7 Steps to Becoming an Impressive Communicator by Beatriz Valverde Garzon (2013) Smashwords
Communication is the single most important aspect in a relationship. Any relationship. Some of us are stronger communicators than others. For others, communication, at least verbal communication, is not as important or it is misunderstood. The misunderstanding appears when you’re already looking for the outcome of the dialogue. When you’re talking to someone what is the purpose of the conversation? Is it to get to know them better or to find a specific answer to a specific question? For many of us who might already have these skills, it can be a painful reminder of how badly you want someone to understand you and how silly they think are your methods.
In Beatriz’s book, the steps to becoming an impressive communicator are clear and concise. These can be found in many peer mediation and negotiation texts for students and professionals, but this book is a direct path to applying tools of communication.
“Basic human needs are expressed as feelings.” Feelings…what a saucy word. And to express them? Hold your horses. One of the kickers she introduces is that “invalidation is the enemy.” Now we already knew this, but we need a reminder because it is the easiest go to for reducing someone’s clarity, position and power in a given situation. It’s like a 5 finger death touch, you’re still in the conversation but not for long.
There are lists of vocabulary provided that are necessary to give yourself and others the precise language needed to say your piece/peace. Lists of basic emotional needs, types of invalidation, and feeling words. Have you ever heard someone say “I feel some type of way” and mean it? I have. You know what I ask them…what type of way is that?
Learning styles are what a teacher looks for in their classroom.
Each student has their own way of absorbing information. Everyone should know this about themselves and it greatly helps you better understand those around you. This is known as Multiple Intelligences and includes 8 areas of examination. Most people are not simply of one intelligence group but rather a combination of strengths.
Finally, LISTENING comes into play. “An effective listener will have a profound knowledge of their own inner state of being allowing them to separate their emotions from that of the speaker to become an objective listener thus avoiding judgements, resolving attitudes or ignoring the other person’s real issue. ” This can allow for attunement answering the question do I feel what you feel? Am I hearing what you’re hearing?
The way you react is everything, especially to a person struggling with a problem. They can immediately feel shame, guilt, defeat, exposure, even humiliation. Response, Not Respond is a way to see if you put what you’ve learned into practice. Attempting to solve an issue you truly know nothing about is empty. It is a waste of time and creative solutions. Some people require that your suffering conclude with an affirmation, something to validate the needs of the listener. They think “I’ve listened all this time, what do I get for it.”
My question is what do you want for it? Know your roll and if you don’t have the patience or skills to learn then you need to exit stage left. Independence does not mean one lacks compassion or openness. Friendship does not mean having understanding or empathy. People don’t need a friend to bring them down to size, to remind them of their
heartache and wonder why they don’t do anything about it. Being always uplifted is unrealistic. However, your opinions aren’t required…and if you feel some type of way about that, look at the emotions poster and pick one.